5. an excerpt from a misguided life

I tell him that i am alone. He immediately retorts 'you're not alone, I'm here for ya.' With those words i fall silent. He has acted in a way to reassure me, but he has only brought me more doubt. He doesn't know what i mean when i say i am alone, and thus he finds an incorrect answer in positing that his presence will fill a void of human connection. But of course thats not what i meant.

Thats the funny thing though, all human activity is marked with mistakes and mis-perceived notions. We act with good intentions, but intentions alone cannot forclose interpretation. Instead our actions become 'misguided' a understanding is infact misunderstood, and misunderstood twice! the first time by the confidant, the friendly listener. The second time by the seminal speaker, who cannot help but become bemused by an answer that is misguided.

I stay silent because i dont want to correct him, i dont want to explain what i mean by me being alone. It may lead to more misguided outcomes. He may try to save me, not realising that the iteration is the acceptance of the statement. Or worse still he may not try to save me - the acceptance of an essentially negative statement can commit the soul to the project... a good thing perhaps, but the soul never commits to this world. It is not of flesh. Another possibility creeps into my mind he may find my aloness (which is, incidentlly not 'lonelyness') to be sickening... he who has been in relationship after relationship. Isnt my statement to him beyond his comprehention, or are my thoughts mearly misguided? Agh... but how could he understand the merits (and faults) of being alone without having lived it...?