Tuesday, June 05, 2007

3. the keepsake

Bastian came home to find Jonas asleep in bed. Bastian smiled as he undressed. the boy had waited. He had made peace in his home. Jonas relaxed into the passing of time... a passing that so many people find to be an unbearable state. As he climbed into bed he noticed a red hat & blue coat held tightly in Jonas' hands. Ever so gently & ever so slowly he removed the bear. He then proceeded to fit his own hands around the body that meant so much to him. Jonas moved in response - still more asleep than awake, and together they found (half by chance & half by direction) a position that fitted them both. A sleepy embrace, a situation where bodies relaxed into the other.

--

This embrace - the embrace of Jonas and Sebastian would become the template for their relationship. For any relationship to work, we must be able to find our way to 'fit' into the other person, both literally and figuratively. For the person who jumps & clings to their lover while listening to the sounds of their chest has a different love to the one who likes always to keep their partner at such a distance that they may always see their face. Sebastian & Jonas held themselves in a way similar to they had done that first night... in that first embrace. Only not so tightly as to wake him. Sebastian held Jonas, and Jonas tilted his head back to find his Bastian hear him... only this time the embrace was more mutual, more relaxed.

--

Bastian fell asleep shortly after falling into bed. He was exhausted from work & more so from the desire to be else where. In fact Bastian felt he would have felt asleep much sooner had it not been for Jonas. Not Jonas as such, rather Bastian had been semi startled by the way Jonas had clutched the bear. Had Jonas held this bear as a kind of substitute for him? A kind of keepsake before he arrived? It was a possibility... even if only unconsciously. Perhaps there was no reason to it other than boredom itself... Jonas had spent about 10 hours alone here... Jonas, this not-so-long-ago-stranger-to-my-life! Bastian quickly realised he was making much out of nothing... stil, he wondered why... the red hatted bear... what did it mean to him? Nothing much. It was a present from an ex-lover. the lover had been to London & saw it fitting to bring it back. 'A bear for a bear' he said. He wondered weather Jonas had thought it meant more than it did to him? the thought sickened him. But perhaps the sickness was from else where. The way Jonas clutched Paddington had reminded him of the embrace he had made the night before. The idea that artifice could so easily replace him in the play of passion brought him unease. He clung Jonas again, in a similar way as previously. Only this time not so tightly, more relaxed.

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