leather pup

all leathered up for lawn bowls at clovelly

cheers & beers

a pic from my work christmas party. Me and alfie share a moment.

good days

christmas is over - and surprisingly it was a good one.

pre-christmas was an entorage of parties & friends. went to kooky with W & G. played around with R, and ended up back with my friends partying the morning away.

Decided to go out again sunday morning (christmas eve) to dayclub. Bumped into J, his boy, as well as S and then mr M, an old uni friend. All this was most unexpected & quite a nice lead up to christmas...

...besides being drug fucked, i managed to stay awake for christmas lunch. Mum luckily ramained in her bedroom for the most part. I avoided dad & was given a low-down no the wonderful world of hair dressing by my sister. My younger brothers have grown soo much, they have hit their puberty groth spurt. Upper lip hair & pimples abound. its so cute. My older brother unfortunately is still depressed & remained a recluse in his bedroom for the most part.

Back in newtown - i drank the rest of my christmas away with mr B, listening to snatches of music & making friendly banter...

and then slept through the night in a warmly drunk sprawl on the couch. bliss

mean words

hard cover. bound spine. a stiff black card encasing all that is truth. I opened the book to find the pages torn. ripped to shreds. a story is placed into hiatus. desperate urges for a conclusion are stifled by a maze of pulp fragments. tape & time will not ease the pain borne by the destruction.

Without the possibility of reading - how could we align ourselves to the memory of meaning?

A horse tied to each corner of the page. Paragraph severed from paragraph. Sentence drawn, sentence quartered. Sickly smiles & laughters abound from the onlookers of this destruction. Stanza reduced to words, words reduced to letters. The letters are buried deep in the sand, & only the bitter head of the bastard vowel sticks out. A long and drawn out howl, a desperate & despairing question - Y? Y? Y-Y-Y?

'In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God'

I try to read this book. I am desperate, I yearn what is destined to be denied. I am without hope. My eyes tear up. My body stretches into the form of some tragic figure. Anxious whimpers as my hands scramble. I jerk my body forth. I heave it back. I desperately try to pull these words together. As if to re-animate stanzas. As if to set into motion the frame of meaning. As if that would suffice to make the word living. to make meaning. To make sense of what is this paradise lost.

It's Flashbeagle, Charlie Brown...

need i say more....
i have to get off youtube...

the gravity of cheese

Im not ure if this is meant to be a science presentation or an infomercial, an advertisers pitch or a envrionmentalists educational. But here is a clip explaining the ideal of fuelless flight.

thanks to bunny for directing me to damn interesting.

how to break dance

omg - i love it!!

dance bitch, dance

my singlet top is drenched with sweat, my feet are desparately sore... wounded infact - i can see the makings of bruises and blood. "...sweat & tears!? huh?" i think to myself.


the good news is that my dance teacher gave us the go ahead to move onto elementary/intermediate classes. YAY !!! so i'm moving forward. classes are over for the year...

next year is a commitment to:
1 class of classical ballet - to help develop - posture, stretch & strength ie refine
2 of contemporary
PLUS yoga & gym three times per week each if i can manage... or plan B - doing pushups, situps etc, streching, skipping and a less intense gym/yoga schedule ontop of that... basically the idea is try to make sure that im doing something 6 of the 7 nights in the week to help my skill level... or atleast trying to hehehe

my goal over the holidays is to work on doing hand stands & working on doing the splits... maybe even a cart wheel if i can manage lol

Dematerialise! (take 2)

"Isn't it just reducing? Are you making up words... Agaaain?!" inquired Mr W.

"Nuh - Nuuuh" i responeded... "I was perhaps just being a little more poetic that informing... is it such a crime?" Mr W replies with a cheshire cat smile, a laugh & a nod in the affirmative.

So what does it mean to dematerialise & why isnt it reducing?


Well in a way it is reducing - it does involve using less - but not in the traditional sense. De materialising is about the evaporation of the very materials that produce particular objects/commodities & not about the reduction of the object itself.

Take for instance water heating. Having a hot shower usualy involves the use of electricity. Electricity is generated by burning fossil fuels (coal). If we have a shorter shower then we would have less demand for energy & less fossil fuel burning etc. This is a typical model for reducing. Using less means less impact on the environment... yay for us :)

So how is dematerialising different? Well there is a way we can have a hot shower that goes for the same time & that involves burning less coal. we can use a solar hot water heater. We may not be using less hot water - but the way the heat is produced involves alot less energy to produce and is more sustainable*.

Another example is online resources vs paper resources... Less material is used on the net, less production, but still the same product/object. Basically dematerialising is using less resources in making objects/commodities, while reducing applies to using less of the object itself.

Dematerialising usually requires/casues changes in the way the resource is produced & distributed in society. Solar pannels can atomise energy production, users produce energy locally & not in a mass/grid fashion. On the other hand the internet tends to network & proliferate information production, as oposed to a book which tends towards a static & isolated existance on a shelf. So energy is no longer as much a social crisis of concern, and information is not limited to discrete books in particular orders.

Ideally we should both reduce & dematerialise. But if dematerialising is done with a bit of thought it can lead to one really cool thing - sharing. you dont really get that with reducing. Laundry mats are all about "sharing" resources (well, for a cost). Think about the amount of time that your washing machine spends NOT being used... now if someone else were to use it instead of buying their own machine - we've just saved ourself the production of one more machine**

The question is -Is this reduction or dematerialisation. The argument for reduction would go: well we're making less machines so its reducing. The arguement for dematerialisation would say: the same amount washing is happening, nothing has been reduced, but the way in which the washing has changed to use less resources, so its dematerialising.

*Solar power can be probelmatic its not always as eco friendly as envisaged, the problem is there is not enough money being put into it tgo work out the bugs.

**Now if only there was a co-operatively run laundry around the corner, with low prices, eco-friendly washing powder & front loading machines that uses less water??

some where else

This is Skin 'purple'
- one thing i always found interesting about her lyrics was the way the perspective shifts between the two people involved in the song. Between the cheater & the cheated, between the one who gives & the one who takes. Both the lover & the fool - and so we cry with a tinge of anger, and we shout with a thread of forgiveness.

Purple washes over me
Seeping through my open seams
Im stained all over

You pretend weve started again
Waiting for me to say when
But I say purple

[Chorus]
She wont go
Where I
I would go for you
Id curse my heart
For you

Silence makes a girl talk fast
Speeding but Im gonna crash
And burn for loves sake

Duty keeps a lover loyal
(But) is it really worth the spoils
When I dream purple

card board boxes again

It seems illl be moving in 3 weeks. Its back to packing & unpacking boxes. The move is not by choice. I'm quite happy with the current moving arrangements. In fact i cant imagine a me place being better at all!

I'll be going from a situation where i was living with friends, in a nice 3 bedroom terrace, to something most likely less substantial... I'm not pleased with the idea of moving. What is worst of all is that i am unresolved as of where to move too.

I havn't really heard of much in the area, and i really dont want to ballon my rent by trying to live on my own. Its lead to alot of anxious uncertianty for me... omg! shoes.


Do i live on my own & scarifice a social life & nice clothes? do i live in share housing with people who i dont know & hope for the best? maybe i should hold out & see if there is someone i know looking to move, but will that cut me short at the last minute? i dont know.

fake chemical state

Skin has released her second solo album. Its called fake chemical state. it has some pretty amazing stuff on it. songs like movin' & i dont need a reason are just fantastic examples of the evolution of her style :)

A look of death that turns you on
I’m too destructive to be the one

That’s were I’m going to
Some place that’s far from you
I’m movin’ on

I’m to frustrated to kill your glare
I can’t dismiss, you don’t compare

And when I find my place
I’ll make this stupid feeling last forever
When I find my way
Nothing left in this sick world will matter

I’d have to kill to fit your rules
I can’t resign until you’re through

That’s were I’m running to
Some place that’s far from you
I’m movin’ on

teddy bear suicides

this is 'sometimes' by les rythmes digitales. its a great song from the 90's with some top lyrics... shame about tedy though.

you ever have days like these?

check this out. it's Legend of a Cowgirl' back from 1997. not quite broke back but i do love the bikers :)

kiss you off

Scissor Sisters - Kiss You Off

You say you see what's under me
That the gloss has washed away
But you're the one whose colour's gone
From love to dirty grey
Questions come alive in the middle of the day
Over and over again
Watch me start a fire in the middle of your shade
That's why I'm telling you I'm gonna

Kiss you off my lips
I don't need another tube of that dime store lipstick
Well I think I'm gonna buy me a brand new shade of man
Kiss you off my lips
It's standing room only for a piece of my pigment
So excuse me a minute while I supply demand

Kiss you off these lips of mine
Kiss you off for a custom shine
Pissed yours truly off this time
It's why I ain't just kissin' you I'm kissin' you off

Spare this child your sideways smile
That crack in your veneer
Some blue broad will spoil your rod
It just takes patience dear
They rush you for your life
But you'll never beat the game
Older and older you get
Cruch you like gyre
But the gimble's all the same
Oh no I think it's happening


Kiss you off my lips
I don't need another tube of that dime store lipstick
Well I think I'm gonna buy me a brand new shade of man
Kiss you off my lips
It's standing room only for a piece of my pigment
So excuse me a minute while I supply demand
Kiss you off these lips of mine
Kiss you off for a custom shine
Pissed yours truly off this time
It's why I ain't just kissin' you I'm kissin' you off

worth it?

I feel like such a piece of meat... & its been a while since i've felt like this. Not since i was alot younger... and dumb.

So im having sex & enjoying it & at a certian point i realise that its not about me at all, its about them. They get off, i havnt gotten off. Things go abit quiet, and he leaves shortly. Im a bit amiss as to the entire sitution. A little confused.

Something doesnt feel right. My gut is just a little too wretched to be happy. I remember this feeling. Its when you realise that they just didnt care. It was about them. And im left feeling like a fool. I hope im wrong. I hope its just paranoia, that im just a little depressed. I hope i'll clear up & stop my crying.

Either way i feel like Im a fool. So wheres that hole to crawl onto again?

on the road again

so i've gotten my Learners license. the photo aint too bad, though i look like a thug. Anyways, considering how many jobs require you to have a lisence these days it was more than appropriate for me to get. sheish, im so career minded these days. ;)

eva

in the famous words of Mistao "my god, this is not possible"

i finally found a cheap DVD set of Evangelion: Neon Genisis!!

Anyone want to come & watch all 22 episodes with me?

yes

One of my fond memoroies of film is to be found in in a documentary on Yoko Ono. In the documentary John Lenon reaccounts how he met Yoko at an early viewing of her art exhibition. He mentions climbing a ladder in order to view a image hung on the roof. the image portrayed a single word. "YES" It was a positive statement, a openness, an affirmation.

Yes is an important phrase in political practice. I think that the left is starting to relearn what this phrase means. I think im starting to relearn what this phrase means.
Prohibitions & Antagonisms are a common statement in any politics. No to racism, no to sexism. Prohibit the violence, & condemn the war. These are all good things to say, but no poplitical project can end with those words.

Of late i think things are changing. yes seems to be on the table. Be it the environmental politics of climate change, the new Dr Who, movies such as V for Vendetta or documentarites like Shut up & sing (which im plugging cause it looks really good). I think all these things tend towards a belief in change of affirmation & in their different ways & different mediums providing a language to voice those concerns.

Most interesting is the American Left finding its new feet - or rather finally getting some airplay - they've always been there, they are jut getting out there more. omething to do in Sydney maybe?

vice versa

I arrived at the syndey airport last night with a strange feeling tickling my gut. It was something between relief and sadness. I was very glad to be home, to be back to my friends & fun nights out, to bus trips up to the rocks & bike rides all over town. But at the same time i felt a pang of sorrow. And no - it wasnt about leaving melbourne.

Lets get things straight. I like melbourne. I think of it as a sister city. Sure i bitch when im down there - i constantly compare it to syndey & pick them appart. But thats whats so special about it. The two cities are in many ways alike. As Kath would say "same... but different". Melbournian people come to sydney and bitch, we all have out little complexes about "the scene" and we all work essentially banal jobs - and escape onto the net, cafe's & bars or sydney to re-establish some semblance of meaning. My sorrow then was not from missing melbourne. Melbourne is not gone, its here in syndney in some way, and vice versa.

So then why was i sorrowfull? Melbourne left me with more questions than answers. Melbourne offered neither the restful fatigue of a hectic week, nor did it offer the rejuvinating effects of rest. It seemed that it wasnt really a holiday that occassioned my stay. It was a unconcious need to see things differently. A minor flicker in perspective.

Close the left eye & see the world - you think you know it? Now close the right & open the left. The world is shifted. Things disapear & others appear. Angles change, shadow & light plays differently. Suttle shifts can be prosperous things.

So many questions hinge around life & love. What to do... what can i do... when & where. how? The sorrow quickly passed as i went to sleep. The answers i'd find at a latter date.