argh! What do ya do when nice people do patronising/paternalistic things? People act with good intentions - they're trying to 'help' but its done in a manner that brushes away any trace of sencerity. Brushed away as quickly as the deed was done.
My 'professional issues in psych' class is full of ex-teachers. they're studying the subject to become school counsellors. They really are nice people - as individuals that is. But on mass they are a clique of anecdote telling, paternalising, and self-refering cowboys. Very in-crowd & very naieve to the fact. Anyways to make a long story short, they noticed the scars on my arm. And so begins an ordeal of questions 'what happened', polite comments 'how are you today', and and ever searching eyes for another scar. Its nice that the care about my health, but the experience just puts me on the spot. Makes me soo self conscious, and feel paternalised. Argh, just makes me not like uni at all. But i dont blame them, they care atleast.
For contrast, Trevor at work comes outright and says to me 'god. those scars are still there'. He then whips out some moisturising cream & begins to demonstrate the 'magic of vitamin e on scaring'. He rubs the cream in for me. No skirting about, no assumptions of my reasons or muffled statement of intentions. Just the action to show he cares.
4 comments:
So I guess now the puppet has scars just like all the other girls in the group- so prevalant in fact that it was a cover story in "Dolly" magazine a few years ago.
I do hope you're looking after yourself- scalpels are cheap & easy to buy, use a sharps container, and for goodness sake avoid craft knives (for me, please?).
I know you're probably making better decisions for yourself than I was when I used to get up-close with personal bloodletting, but those are my main fears. Blood infections suck worse than scars.
uh, the most recent scars were cigarette burns - i was in a club, it was a fucked up moment & though 'oh, i know how to wedge my way into sanity' unfortunately my wrist was closest thing - and the easiest seen. darn. i'm kninda trying to find other strategies to use (hence the talking about it more openly) but in the mean time i'll keep that in mind.
oh, and thaks steve, you've been great support so far, in most things. :)
The impulse to say "don't do it, I'll stop you... call me instead" is noble, but useless in my experience.
We cut until we no longer want to. Until something takes its place for us, or we find a way to achieve the desired feeling that is more controlled. More sane.
Your life is worth living with a certain amount of care. There are far greater pleasures, releases and risks that we can take than this isolated practise.
When I used to do it, it was very addictive and part of a private right I saw as my own. No one should just try to take that away from you without respecting you as an intelligent human being.
Psychologist to patient is a very complicated relationship that I feel your teachers seem to have largely underestimated.
emma
I am sorry you had to feel that feeling when they put you on the spot over such an intimately physical part of yourself. I feel oddly similar about my tattoos sometimes.
e
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